Even I don't always agree with my opinion


An Ounce Of Prevention

Posted April 15, 2013 by jim young in Lifestyle

Photo Credit: By Landii [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

A real man would never get a girl drunk just to get what’s on the other side of her clothes… – Raul Vasequez

– jim young

Everyone wants a fuck-buddy.

Well, almost everyone.

And what’s wrong with that, really?

Sometimes it’s just nice to have an uncomplicated, none-emotional romp in the hay with no strings attached.

Of course by definition, a fuck-buddy implies that the sex is consensual.

What some people need – mostly young girls – is an “un-fuck buddy”.

Someone she trusts to look out for her when her defences are down.

It seems to be coming more and more common that young girls just out for a good time at a party, have too much to drink and are taken advantage of by some of their fellow party-mates who may or may not even be known to them.

Of course by definition – that’s rape. And yet the mindset among many young people seems to suggest it’s much less serious than that. It’s too often viewed as just having a good time.

And for whatever reasons, these incidents often go unreported.

Perhaps the victim is too embarrassed to report the incident to the authorities. Or perhaps she feels that the resulting investigation would be more humiliating than if she just tried to put the incident behind her. There may be fear of repercussions and far too often the victim may feel that she is somehow to blame.

Of course the easy answer is to suggest to these young girls that she simply shouldn’t drink so much to put herself in such a vulnerable position in the first place.

But let’s face it that’s just not going to happen.

So maybe the next best thing is to have an “un-fuck buddy”.

Someone she trusts implicitly to look out for her best interests when her defences are down and she is too inebriated to fend for herself

But let’s not limit this concept to a defensive action.

The guys in these situations need to man-up to their responsibilities too.

So maybe they should have an “un-fuck buddy” as well.

You know – someone that will step in when situations start to get out of control and say “Hey dude – this is not cool!”

I believe for the most part that all people are good at the core. But when hormones and pheromones get mixed with alcohol and drugs, sometimes lines get crossed.

That is not intended to diminish the responsibility or seriousness of these crimes – but there’s an old saying that goes – “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”.

Get your ounce of prevention with an “un-fuck buddy”.

– 30 –



    There is one line I want to address directly in this article:

    “It seems to be coming more and more common that young girls just out for a good time at a party, have too much to drink and are taken advantage of by some of their fellow party-mates who may or may not even be known to them.”

    That seems a bit absurd to me. Many of my literary heroes whom I doted as a young adolescent male (Kerouac, H. Miller, Bukowski, for example) treated women in a way I would never have thought of. Nor would I have permitted in any environment (and nor would my peers). What “seems” to me is that, in many cases, the male/female relationship in the “good ole days” was a one-sided affair. It was rooted in misguided patriarchy by a chauvinist father and abetted by an equally intimidated and silenced mother. Read HST’s “The Rum Diary” for example–look what happens when Chenault is just our for a good time. How common was taking advantage, abuse (both emotional and physical) in the past that went unadvertised?

    The difference, to me, is social media. Today–news, events, images spread with a rapidity never seen to mankind. Look at the events in Boston yesterday as a prime example. After the first bombing, #Bostonmarathon (and similar derivates) were receiving >200 Tweets per minute. Globally. So when something happens like Steubenville, OH or Rehtaeh Parsons in Nova Scotia, we all learn about it and lead to the impressions expressed above. Moreover, we actually become indirect witnesses.

    I contend that it is a result of the mass connectivity and access to information, images and global news that leads to the perception Jim (our author) may have. It may in fact be just that. There are 7B people in the world now. I wonder what the actual ratio of female abuse compared to the 30s, 40s, 50s in a direct comparison would be?

    I prefer to stay more optimistic about “these days” than days past.


    Kory has correctly pointed out an all too common faux pas that many people, including myself (obviously) make.

    When I wrote, “It seems to be coming more and more common…” I should more accurately have written “we seem to be hearing more and more about…”

    Thanks to the Internet and social media as Kory suggests we ARE hearing more and more about news events and the world around us than ever before.

    Just as our parents (or in Kory’s case his grandparents) were hearing more and more about news events in the 50s and 60s because of the introduction of television.

    I certainly didn’t mean to imply these cases of rape were a new phenomenon.

    And whether such incidents of non-consensual sex occurs more or less today than it did in the 30s, 40s and 50s is a moot point as far as I am concerned.

    Regardless of the numbers, ratios or percentages involved anything above 0% or 0 is not acceptable.

    Let’s not become complacent by the defeatist suggestion that “things may not be any worse than they’ve ever been.”

    In fact, I would like to suggest that BECAUSE were are more aware – there becomes an implied responsibility on society to correct the problem.

    While Kory writes, “I prefer to stay more optimistic about “these days” than days past” I hope he didn’t miss what I wrote in my article that “I believe for the most part that all people are good at the core.”

    I didn’t mean to make this a commentary about one generation’s virtues vs another’s.

    Of course there was one thing lacking in the 30s, 40s and 50s and that was the public exposure due to the Internet and Social Media. Had the crimes that were committed against Rehtaeh Parsons and Audrie Pott been committed in the 30s, 40s or 50s it probably would have ended there and not led to further bullying and shame that was brought about the by Internet and Social Media leading to their suicides.

    Still, these tragedies are NOT the result of the Internet and Social Media.

    While the Internet and Social Media may have played an integral part in these stories, more importantly it is how we, the “indirect witnesses” that Kory describes, react.

    If we react with indifference, or worse, are merely titillated by these stories and events, than we become enablers and are little better than those that actually committed the crimes.

    But at the end of the day it doesn’t matter if it’s 1930 or 2013.

    Rape is still rape.

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