Even I don't always agree with my opinion

 

Colonoscopies

6
Posted April 29, 2008 by jim young in Lifestyle

– jim young

My wife just had a colonoscopy.

It was probably a good thing since her mother recently had a colonoscopy and they found some polyps.

I’m not sure what polyps are – but I think it’s better than cancer.

Being a supportive husband I was privy to more details about my wife’s colonoscopy than I wanted to be.

But my wife was clean so that’s a good thing too.

I don’t want to know any more than that.

But now my wife thinks I should have a colonoscopy.

It seems to be the “in” thing these days and everybody seems to be having them.

A year ago I had never heard of a colonoscopy.

Colonoscopies are so new my word processor doesn’t even know how to spell it.

Although it’s not considered surgery – it still seems to be a very invasive procedure to me and I’m not sure about that.

I’m not homophobic and it’s really not the sexual indignity that bothers me.

But I remember a new procedure that was introduced in the 1940s or 1950s to help properly fit you for shoes. They were called x-rays. And then a few years later it was discovered that you shouldn’t be exposed to x-rays unless it was really necessary.

It seems that a lot of these “great ideas” people come up with turn out to have some pretty bad side-effects down the road that no one saw coming.

I wonder if it might be similar with colonoscopies.

Somehow I just think that “digging around” in places that were never intended for man to go “digging around” in – might not be such a good idea.

Why go “where no man has gone before” unless there’s a damn good reason to think it’s absolutely necessary?

– 30 –


6 Comments


  1.  
    donnafab

    Maybe your wife doesn’t want to sit around & watch you die from a disease that may have been detected early enough to be treated. I’m sure being the man that you are, you wouldn’t want to cause her the stress of watching you die slowly & in pain. If you could have had an annual test that would have diagnosed the possibility of your having a stroke, would you have had that test?




  2.  
    Jim

    Maybe – or maybe my wife has just lived with me for so long that some of my sadistic tendencies have worn off and she wants me to experience the same unpleasantries that she has endured. And maybe that would even bring us closer together. Whatever her real reasons, however loving and sincere they may be – no thanks!

    My stroke was one of the best experiences of my life. Wouldn’t have missed it for anything.

    And for the record my wife won’t have to sit around and watch me die slowly and in pain. If and when that time comes – like any good Dog on a Root – I will quietly wander off into the bush and find a good old hemlock root to chew on.




  3.  
    donnafab

    That’s easy to say when death isn’t imminent. She might provide the hemlock sooner than later. Without you knowing of course.




  4.  
    Jim

    Who’s to say death isn’t imminent? What crystal ball do you have?

    The bible tells us “Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die.”
    1 Corinthians 15:32

    And Ecclesiastes 8:15 adds the “be merry part” to that quote.

    I’m pretty sure “and live your days in blissful ignorance of the evil and the sorrow that may lay around the corner waiting to devour you” was lost somewhere in the translation. But I think it was supposed to be in there somewhere.




  5.  
    Steve

    Jim. I think you have the right idea , keep your pants up and stay away from the doctor. You know , the phrase Doctor`s Practice is aptly coined. The Gage Canadian Dictionary defines: an action done many times over in order to gain skill. Isn`t that the truth. A doctor takes that quite literally and WILL practice , ON YOU! , til he gets it ( hopefully ) right.

    Why do women always feel it nessesary to tell men to go to the doctor. My wife`s first comment , even for my most minor affliction will be , you should go to the doctor. I refuse to have a hangnail biopsied to find out that , somehow , my left lung`s just gotta go. I once had a woman tell me women go to the doctor more than men because they are more ” in tune ” with their bodies. I say , good , go for your ” tune-up ” and leave me to hell out of it! To all you women out there , NEWS FLASH , men don`t , I repeat DON`T want to hear about women`s problems. Incidently , neither do your girlfrieds. Oh they may sit there , compassionatly holding your hand , looking at you with big fawn eyes , but trust me , the only thought racing through their minds is ” Thank God it`s not me! “.

    And another thing ( I may be gently drifting off topic here ), to all you new-age , dainty , men (?) out there who use the phrase ” we`re pregnant ” , just stop it. Listen cupcake , if you want to feel like a woman , go do Jim`s test for him , if not , be a man for Christ`s sake!

    Anyway , to all you naysayers out there , keep going to the doctor. He`ll eventually ” find ” something. First he`ll have to give you some sort of medication and wait for you to come back complaining of the side effects. Then he`ll give you another medication to fight that. Soon enough you actually WILL be sick. His next step will be to ” explore ” your ailment and the next thing you will be doing is getting carved up like last Sunday`s roast chicken. Now the ol` Doc has a steady customer and that`s good . Private planes and Caddies don`t grow on trees you know.




  6.  
    Jim

    Well put Steve. Thanks for your comments.





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