Even I don't always agree with my opinion


Confusing Christmas Songs

Posted December 23, 2017 by jim young in Lifestyle

I began questioning things that didn’t seem to make sense to me at a very early age. I think it might have all begun with Christmas.

However, it’s not as you might expect. I never questioned the reality of Santa Claus. I always knew he was real. I had living proof then and I am living proof of it now.

But here’s a few things I have always wondered about some of my favourite Christmas Songs that I used to listen to and loved as a young boy.

Frosty The Snowman
“He led them down the streets of town
Right to the traffic cop.
And he only paused a moment when
He heard him holler ‘Stop!’”

Why did the cop stop Frosty? Certainly he couldn’t have been speeding since Frosty was on foot. Did Frosty appear to be intoxicated in public? There was no indication in the song that Frosty was jaywalking. And if he (Frosty) only “paused a moment” – was he defying the cop’s command to “Stop!” Wasn’t it wrong for Frosty to just take off again?

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer
“Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say
“Rudolph, with your nose so bright
Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?”
Then how the reindeer loved him
As they shouted out with glee
‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
You’ll go down in hiss-story’”.

There were two things about Rudolph that I was never clear on.

I never understood why the other reindeer all of a sudden starting loving Rudolph after Santa picked Rudolph to lead the sleigh on a foggy night. If anything, you would think they would have become jealous of Rudolph’s sudden status and hated him even more. At least that’s how it worked at the playgrounds.

In the 1950 version of this song by Spike Jones, which I listened to most, “history” was sung as “hiss-story”. So was Rudolph going to go down in “history” or “His Story”? And if it was the latter, who was the “He” in “His Story”? Was it “Rudolph’s” Story? Or could it be “Santa’s” Story?  

Winter Wonderland
“In the meadow we can build a snowman
Then pretend that he is Parson Brown
He’ll say: Are you married?
we’ll say: No man
But you can do the job
when you’re in town.”

I realize the couple in this song had just been influenced by a “new bird” singing a “love song” in the previous stanza, but it seemed to be a little rash to me that they were so quick to get married, just because “Parson Brown” asks them if they were already married or not.

In later years as I learned about the birds and the bees, I also paused to wonder just WHAT the couple was doing to make “Parson Brown” even question their marital status in the first place. I thought they were simply “walking” in a winter wonderland.

We Three Kings
“Born a King on Bethlehem’s plain
Gold I bring to crown Him again
King forever, ceasing never
Over us all to rein


Frankincense to offer have I
Incense owns a Deity nigh
Pray’r and praising, all men raising
Worship Him, God most high


Myrrh is mine, its bitter perfume
Breathes of life of gathering gloom
Sorrowing, sighing, bleeding, dying
Sealed in the stone-cold tomb.”

Right from the title, this song confused me as a young child. Who were the “Three Kings”? I thought there were “Three Wise Men” but I had never heard about “Three Kings”.

Over the years I finally came to the realization that the “Three Kings” WERE the “Three Wise Men”, but by that time I had also discovered history could not confirm if there even WERE three. Could have been 2 – could have been 4, nobody’s really sure.

In fact, there’s a good possibility that they, however many and whoever they were, didn’t even make it to the nativity and might have arrived much after the birth of Christ.

But as a young child it was the lyrics that were the most disturbing. I was aware the “Three Kings” (or Wise Men) brought Jesus gifts of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh. I didn’t really know what Frankincense and Myrrh were but I trusted, that coming from a King or Wise Man, they were pretty cool gifts. Until I heard this song and in particular, the verse describing the Myrrh.

“Breathes of life of gathering gloom, sorrowing, sighing,  bleeding dying, sealed in a stone-cold tomb”.

Jeez! Merry Christmas everybody!

What the hell kind of gift was THAT for the Christ-child? Or ANY child for that matter?

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

Okay – I don’t even need to reprint any of the lyrics here. The title says it all. I may have not known what sex was when I first heard these Christmas Classics, but even as a young boy I knew that Mommy kissing ANYBODY when Daddy wasn’t around was – just wrong!

In what world can a song about a mother having an indiscreet affair with another man be considered a great Children’s Christmas Song?

It is the innocence in the child that makes Christmas a magical time. But sometimes you just never really know what’s going on in the minds of those little miracles of life.

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