Even I don't always agree with my opinion

 

Girls I’d Like To Bed But Not Wed

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Posted August 14, 2010 by jim young in Media
Girls I'd Like To Bed But Not Wed

– by jim young

The first celebrity girl I ever had a crush on was Miss Sunbeam. She was the little girl that adorned Sun Beam Bread packages, posters and advertisements in the 1950s.

Miss Sunbeam

Miss Sunbeam

Now before all ye local villagers gather up your pitchforks and torches, you should know I’m no pedophile. I was about 4 years old at the time. Hell – Miss Sunbeam was practically a MILF to me, not that I knew what a MILF was.

Had I ever met Miss Sunbeam in person, I probably would have gone running for the protection of my mother’s skirt. I assure you my attraction to Miss Sunbeam was purely platonic.

But by the time I had grown up enough to show an interest in sneaking a peek at my dad’s Playboy books, I had begun to crave the company of girls in a different manner.

My first sexual experience was with Miss August of 1960 something.

And over the years I have had many fantasies about many celebrities. Hell – they weren’t even all celebrities.

So I thought it might be fun to compile a list of the top 10 girls – living or dead – real or fictional that I would most like to bed – but not necessarily wed.

Here goes, in no particular order.

First Girl
The first girl I ever had sex with – just to show her how good I got. It was pretty romantic in the front seat of my father’s station wagon at the drive-in, (back in the days when bench seats were still in fashion) but I’m sure it could have been better.

Robin Quivers
That’s right. Howard Stern’s sidekick. There would be no worrying about whether you could talk dirty to Robin without offending her. She’s heard it all.

Robin Quivers

Robin Quivers

Betty Rubble
I think she’s so much hotter than Wilma, don’t you? Besides, if need be I think I could take on Barney. I’m not so sure about Fred though. He’s such a hothead.

Mary Magdalene
There’s a lot of speculation that Mary Magdalene did Jesus. I’d be interested in knowing what a piece of ass that could win the favour of our Lord would be like. The only problem is, as she was screaming “Oh God! Oh God!” I wouldn’t know whether to be flattered or jealous.

Britney Spears
I just wanna know if she really was worth the million dollars she was once offered. But as any collector will tell you – once an item is out of the package, it’s worth about half the original value. Since she’s not a virgin any more, that brings the price down considerably.

Britney Spears - devalued.

Britney Spears – devalued.

Of course at half a million dollars, Britney’s still well out of my price range. But she’s quite a bit older now too and hasn’t made some of the best choices in her life. I think she’s devalued considerably more. So for an offer of $6.50 – I’d do her. How bout it Britney? It’s official. I’m publicly offering you $6.50 for a night in the sack. Or 10 minutes – depending on who comes first.

Jessica Rabbit
I’d want to play more than just “Paddy Whacks” with Jessica Rabbit. As a rule I’m not into bestiality. But I would make an exception in Jessica’s case.

LOST
If I had to choose just one of all the hot chicks from LOST it would have to be Juliet. She’s got such a sexy smile and when she slowly closes her eyes and opens them again – I just melt. So from LOST it would be Juliet.

LOSTs Juliet

LOST’s Juliet

Or Kate.

Ya gotta love Kate’s freckles. And a free-spirited character like Kate Austen – just has to be wild in bed. So it’s Juliet, Kate & Sun.

Sun has an exotic, erotic appeal – like Ana Lucia. With Sun’s oriental sexual techniques and Ana Lucia’s hot Latino passion – they would probably kill me. But what a way to go. Yeah – Juliet, Kate, Sun, Ana Lucia and Naomi.

And Claire’s pretty cute too. After she dropped the kid, that is. But since Libby has a thing for fat guys – maybe my chances with her would be better. My ONE choice from LOST would be Juliet, Kate, Sun, Ana Lucia, Naomi, Claire and Libby.

Shannon and Nikki are both pretty shallow. But hey the topic is “bed – but not wed”. I’m looking to get laid – not build a relationship with any of these chicks. So it’s Juliet, Kate, Sun, Ana Lucia, Naomi, Claire, Libby, Shannon and Nikki.

And don’t you just love a girl with an English accent? It doesn’t suck that Penny’s filthy rich either, although we’re really just talking about sex here aren’t we?

So that’s it. My one single choice from LOST would be Juliet, Kate, Sun, Ana Lucia, Naomi, Claire, Libby, Shannon, Nikki and Penny.

Oh, what the hell? Everyone knows what a horn-dog I am. Hey Rose – bring your fat black ass over here and join in the fun.

Caremela Soprano
Not Edie Falco who played Carmela Soprano mind you, but Carmela the character. How hot would it be to do the “Boss’s” wife? And I ain’t talkin’ Bruce Springteen here. Sometimes the thrill is in the knowing you might get caught. And getting caught doing Tony’s wife has gotta be the biggest thrill of all. Or should that be the biggest “chill”?

Ellen DeGeneres
I know, I know. Ellen’s a lesbian. But like all slightly delusional chauvinists – I think I could bring her back to our side. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a lesbian…

Ellen DeGeneres

Ellen DeGeneres

Carrie Bradshaw and Sarah Jessica Parker
What can I say? Both the character she plays in Sex In The City AND the actress are HOT, HOT, HOT!

Sleeping Beauty
Hell – I wouldn’t even bother trying to wake her up. I would just do her right there in the forest while she sleeps. Let the Seven Dwarves watch for all I care.

Last Girl
The last girl I ever had sex with (not counting my wife) just to show her I can do better when I’m not so drunk. (My wife KNOWS I can’t do any better – sober or drunk.)

So there’s my 10 picks (give or take). Of course I could go on and on and on. So many girls and so little time!

But enough about me. Let’s hear who you would like to bed – but not wed.

– 30 –


2 Comments


  1.  
    Steve

    I find it disturbing you picked two fictional charaters for your fantasy.( Mary Magdalene and Jesus ). Even if they were real would you really want to be where God “was?”. The all knowing,all seeing,all loving, creator might not like you “cutting his grass” and banish you the firey pits of Hell. ( Jesus and God are the same dudes,right? I get so confused. Every time I ask a religous fanatic I get a different answer ).

    I would appreciate it if you and anyone else would not bring up Betty Rubble. You`re talking about the woman I love , you know.

    Ellen Degeneres – wow! – I`ll be there with the seven drarfs to watch THAT! How long after you pulled it out do you figure it would take her to have it cut off?

    Speaking of the seven dwarfs and Snow White, why wake her? No point in her being different from all the rest 🙂




  2.  
    Jim

    I’m not too worried about being banished to hell. It doesn’t really bother me. I have friends in both places.

    There’s no reason we can’t share Betty Rubble. I hear she’s a real slut. I’ve seen many photos of her online with Fred and sometimes even with Wilma.

    And Ellen would be too busy doing one of her funky dances to worry about dismembering my member.





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