Even I don't always agree with my opinion


I Want To Be Santa

Posted December 21, 2010 by jim young in Lifestyle
I Want To Be Santa

Not a Shopping Mall Santa.

Not a Salvation Army Santa.

PhotobucketNot a City Parade Santa.

And not a Santa that shows up at company Christmas Parties for the employees’ children.

I want the real gig.

I want to be the real Santa.

The real Santa’s gotta be about ready to retire soon and when he does I want him to know I’m here and ready to take his place.

So where do I turn in my resume?

I think I’m as qualified for the job as the real Santa.

I like children – in short dosages.

Sure Santa checks in on the children all year long – but it’s at arms length. He only has to actually see them up close once a year; just before Christmas as he makes his pre-Christmas trip rounds, and that’s when they’re on their best behaviour.

Sure they’re on their best behaviour just because they’re sucking up to Santa in hopes of getting what they want for Christmas.

But what the fuck do I care, as long as they’re being good?

The rest of the year, most children don’t even think about Santa.

Once Christmas is over and they have all their presents, Santa doesn’t enter their minds again for another 11 months.

And for those 11 months for Santa, it’s just about making toys.

But, as Santa, I wouldn’t even have to do that.

That’s what the elves are for.

I would just get to play with the toys. I mean – perform quality control tests on them.

I’m almost 60 now and I still like toys.

Growing up I was an only boy in a family with 5 sisters. I remember very clearly one Christmas morning when I was about 12, watching my sisters – some older and some younger than I, opening presents of clothes AND ENJOYING IT!!!!

That was the day I realised how great it was to be a boy.

I was still getting toys.

A few years ago my wife gave me an electric train set for Christmas and I’ll tell you right now – it was the best Christmas present I ever got since my Mom and Dad gave me an electric train set for Christmas when I was 8.

If you want to make me happy just give me an electric train set or a set of cowboy cap guns complete with a holster for Christmas.

If you want to make me really, really happy give me both.

As I recall the year I got my electric train set from Mom & Dad, I also got a set of cowboy cap guns complete with a holster. Mom and Dad were the best!

My wife never got me a set of cowboy cap guns complete with a holster, but she’s still the best too, for reasons I probably shouldn’t talk about here.

This Christmas Season I’ve been mistaken for Santa many times by both children and adults alike. I don’t mind, but I tell them I am not really Santa. I tell them I am Santa’s brother Frere Noel.

I’m lying of course, but it doesn’t seem to be as big a lie as if I told them I was the real Santa. And this way I can be forgiven for not knowing their names or what they want for Christmas or if they’ve been good or bad all year.

When I’m ready to take over the real job, I’ll worry about how to do all that then.

I know it’s a big responsibility, but you know what? It would be a fun job.

And when it’s a fun job you have… it’s always easy.

– 30 –


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