Even I don't always agree with my opinion


Mind of His Own

Posted October 16, 2014 by Carter in Lifestyle
whisper crazy secret

Chris was becoming concerned about the way his mind had been wandering in the last couple of months. Not wandering exactly but recently it seemed to have a mind of its own.

He couldn’t tell anymore if he was having an original thought or if it was just new to him. He started to assume he was getting them from some else’s thoughts.

He was starting to wonder not just about the originality of his thoughts but what about all that chatter that was going on in the back of his head. Where did that come from?

Mind of His Own

This is you speaking.






The other day he saw a woman in the grocery store line-up wearing a checkered top and polka dot slacks. Sure, it looked odd but what part of his brain even thought that is was something that should be brought to his awareness. He certainly didn’t care how some random woman in a typical grocery store was dressed.

He felt like he was eaves dropping but he listened in on the conversation that was being held in his head.

“The checkered and polka dot pattern thing was a really bad example,” said Chris A.

“Then why did you bring it up,” replied Chris B.

“I didn’t even notice until you mentioned it. I certainly don’t care,” said Chris A getting irritated with Chris B.

If you didn’t mention it and I didn’t point it out then where exactly did it come?” said Chris B and with a mocking tone he said, “Is there anyone else here who cares?”

“Its not that I care,” spoke up Chris C. “I just notice things.”

“Was that you?” Chris A asked Chris B. “Are you making fun of me?”

“No,” said Chris B. “I didn’t say that but now that you mention it it I think he was talking to me, not you so you can just butt out and mind your own business.”

Chris C jumped back in, “I was speaking to both of you and I don’t need you shushing people for me.”

Chris A started to wonder, “Are these voices me talking to me or is there other individuals in my head?”

They all paused for a moment then Chris B said, “I have a suggestion for you.”

“Go ahead,” said Chris A listening closely.

“If we are all different individuals than we are not likely to go away and this conversation can be carried on at our leisure, later.”

“Go on,” prompted Chris A.

“I think I know where he is going with this,” Chris C showing some interest.

“Then let him talk, will you,” said Chris A.

“Fine, go ahead,” Chris B said to Chris C.

“But if we are all the same person,” Chris C continued, “Then it is probably important that we try and figure out what it is that we are trying to tell ourselves.”

“Hold that thought,” said Chris A. “I have a concern that may affect that.”

“What is it?” asked Chris B.

“I am concerned that everything I tell myself is not always a critical message,” said Chris A. “In fact I have been doing meditation exercises in order to reduce the amount of distracting mind chatter that I have.”

“How’s that working for you?” said Chris C facetiously.

“Very funny,” said Chris A with his feelings hurt a little bit, “that’s hardly fair.”

“I agree,” said Chris B supportively, “He’s pouring his soul out to us. I think the least we could do is hear him out. After all, it might affect us too.”

“Affect you maybe. But not me,” said Chris C. “I don’t have anything to do with this.”

“How can you even say that?” asked Chris B.

“I guess you are just getting my point that we should treat this conversation as if it is all just me trying to tell me something important,” said Chris C. “So let’s go with that. What are We, am I, trying to say to us, myself?”

“Now you are making my head hurt talking like that.” said Chris A.

“Let’s focus,” said Chris B starting to get frustrated with the conversation. “Does anyone have anything that they have to tell us?”

Chris C shrugged his shoulders and offered “I’m getting hungry.”

Not to be left out Chris A jumped in with, “I’ve got to pee.”

Chris B shook his head saying, “No, no, that’s not what I mean. That’s the body telling us what it wants. What do we want to tell ourselves?”

After a short contemplative silence Chris C suggested, “It makes sense that if we have something to tell ourselves this is not the first time that we have tried to tell us.”

Chris B picked up on this, “So, if we were trying to tell ourselves something for the last couple of days, months or years I would have had to repeat it over and over so I would get the message.”

“I think you are on to something,” said Chris B with enthusiasm. “So, what is it that we tell ourselves all the time?”

Chris A reached back in his memory to recall some of these recurring themes. “I tell myself that I am out of shape and that I should eat better and do some exercise.”

“Everybody says that.” Snapped Chris C, “That’s like saying “I want to win the lottery.”

“Could it be as simple as that?” wondered Chris B.

“I was thinking that it would be more personal, more meaningful.” Said Chris B

“Any examples?” asked Chris A.

Chris B struggled for a minute then came up with,” I want to pull together the genealogy of my family tree.” That’s personal.”

Chris A snorted, “Everybody has a family tree.” He tried to soften the comment by saying, “What I mean is that there is nothing that is truly unique except the fact that it is affecting me.”

Chris B laughed, “There we go. I believe that we completed a full circle and have come back to ‘What is it that we are trying to tell ourselves?

Chris C snapped his fingers and said, “What if it is more complicated than that? What if we are trying to tell ourselves something awful. Something terrible that happened to me that I can’t face but and trying to come to terms with.”

Chris A rolled his eyes, “It’s complicated enough without adding agony to the mystery. What are you talking about anyway? That I was sexually abused as a child but I don’t remember it? That I was in a car accident and I am really in a coma an imagining my whole life? Where would that speculation ever end? In that case I would be crazy!”

“Well, you are talking to yourself,” Chris C pointed out quietly.

Chris took a moment to see if he could remember something really inportant and possibly terrible that happened to him that he was supressing.

Chris C said, “Nope, I don’t think so.”

Chris A sighed with relief and said, “Thank goodness for that.”

Chris B had been thinking deeply and added, “I think you’ve right. Everything is basically Okay. I have issues to deal with, They are personal but not unique. Stuff like; I don’t have as much money as I would like, I have aches and pains that I didn’t have when I was younger, my brother is a pain in the ass, I have surgery coming up but the outcome should be fine. Stuff that everyone deals with.”

Chris C said, “And I thought I was special.”

Chris A said, “You are special, with a capital “Spa.”

Chris B made a face and said, “What??”

Chris A said, “That was an “In” joke. How can you not get my “In” joke?”

“Let’s focus here please,” said Chris C, “I was bearing my soul and admitting that at this stage in my life I don’t feel that there is anything special or unique about me. My life is just a variation on a theme, a theme that runs in many other people’s lives too.”

“Do you like it?”

“Not all the time,” said Chris C

“Then do something different.”

Chris A asked Chris C, “Who are you talking to?

Chris C shrugged and Chris B offered, “I didn’t say anything.

Chris A wondered out loud, “Do you think I am going crazy?”

“I wouldn’t rule anything out.”



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