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My Mother’s Onion Chip Dip

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Posted June 29, 2012 by jim young in Lifestyle

(Happy Birthday, Leah)

– jim young

I think I have finally mastered how to make my Mother’s Onion Chip Dip.

That may come in handy some day when my mother isn’t around anymore, although there’s a very good possibility that she will outlive me.

You might think following a recipe is not rocket science but you would be wrong.

This is my Mother’s recipe for Onion Chip Dip, word for word as she provided it to me.

“1  pkg. cream cheese (I always use no name)
milk
mayo (has to be Hellmann’s for the yummy flavour)
finely chopped onion.

Nuke cheese until soft. Stir to break up and add a small amount of milk. Continue adding cow juice until it is almost runny. Stir in loooooots of Mayo and keep adding until the taste suits you. (I usually have Gina or Lennie* with me to confirm this.)
Continue stirring until the lumps of cheese have smoothed out.

Then add enough onion to suit your taste. This addition makes it lumpy again. Tee Hee
The longer it is refrigerated the stronger the onion flavour becomes but don’t skimp on it.

Sorry but it’s the best I can do and wish you luck. Trial and error is the solution unless you can get my gals to visit while you are working on it.

Remember not to use a lot of milk or it becomes too runny and loses the flavour. Jesse experienced this when he made it last year. Not to worry Chester** it did get used up.

Jimmie, your nephews always tell me mine is so good because it is made with love. Try adding this ingredient to yours.”

I ask you “What kind of a fucked up recipe is that?”

Just look at the ingredient listing!

1 pkg of cream cheese. Is that 1 pkg of 200 grams, 300 grams, 400 grams? What?

Milk. How much milk? Oh wait. That’s clarified later in the recipe. You need a “small amount of milk” but do “not use a lot of milk or it becomes too runny.”

Mayo. We’re clear on the fact that the mayonnaise has to be Hellman’s. Because who wants an Onion Chip Dip that isn’t “yummy”.

Once again the quantity is clarified later in the recipe as “loooooots of Mayo” and “keep adding until the taste suits you.”

Have you ever tried to convert “loooooots” to metric on any conversion chart?

And how the fuck can you tell if the taste suits you when all the ingredients haven’t yet been added AND it still has to sit in the refrigerator for an undisclosed amount of time before it’s even ready to eat?

So I think you can appreciate my pride in mastering this recipe through the suggested trial and error process recommended in my Mother’s instructions.

(To save you some time, if you want a copy of my version of the recipe with measured quantities, feel free to email me for it.)

But even after all this, mastering how to make my Mother’s Onion Chip Dip was far less rewarding than I thought it would be.

Now when I have it – whether it’s made by my Mother or me – it’s really no big deal.

So what?

I can have it any time I want.

And I often wonder if that’s why Baby Boomers such as myself have so many fond nostalgic memories of years gone by.

In the proverbial “good old days” that we like to lecture our grandchildren about, things were special often just because we didn’t have unlimited access to them.

Something as simple as going out to a restaurant was a big deal to us as children because it was a rare thing. In fact, except for rare occasions when we were travelling on holidays, I only remember my parents taking my sisters and I out to a restaurant once.

And my first visit to a take out restaurant was as a teenager when I went with my friends to A&W.

Christmas was a much bigger deal even to adults because at Christmas, family and loved ones would buy you something you had needed for quite some time, but didn’t have.

Today – if you need something – you go out and buy it. And when Christmas rolls around you get a gift card in case you need something in the future.

Perhaps the affluent world we live in today isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Perhaps by giving ourselves everything – we have taken away something much more important.

And for the record, when I say I have mastered my Mother’s Onion Chip Dip, I should qualify it by adding “in taste only”.

I can only hope to one day aspire to incorporate in my Onion Chip Dip, the unconditional Love that my Mother includes in everything she does.

Thanks Mom. And even though I can make it myself, I really do look forward to your Onion Chip Dip next Christmas.

For Clarification Purposes

* Gina and Lennie are 2 of my sisters.

** Jesse and Chester is my Mother’s grandson. Yes that is grammatically correct because Jesse/Chester is the same person.

– 30 –

Addendum

Hmmm. In retrospect do you think it could be, that in her wisdom my Mother realised that by forcing me to go through the painful trial and error process, my version of her Onion Chip Dip would become a legacy that would remain “special” to me when she is gone?

In consideration of that very real possibility, I have to renege on my previous offer. Don’t email me for my version of this recipe with the measured quantities.

Figure it out for yourself.

You’ll thank me for it one day.


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