Even I don't always agree with my opinion

 

The Grumpy Diet

1
Posted September 6, 2012 by Carter in Lifestyle

– Carter Stack

I’m on a diet. It’s day six. I’m grumpy.
I could just end it there and most readers would get my point.
But I’m not trying to lose weight, I’m fine for my age and height.
I’m not allergic to anything, that I am aware of.
I just felt like crap and I couldn’t shake it. I had no energy or as a poem from my childhood said:

Can’t think,
Brain numb,
Inspiration
Won’t come
Poor ink,
Bad pen
That’s all.
Amen.

So I read Prevention Magazine and several others like it.
They say that I am full of toxins. That is a polite way of saying that I am full of crap, but I already knew that.
So, my wife and I are on a diet to eliminate the toxins.

It’s simple…
No: wheat, gluten, corn, dairy, sugar, processed food, caffeine, artificial anything and (gulp!) no alcohol.
Yes: brown rice, vegetables, chicken, fish and water, water, water
Maybe: I’ll leap off a bridge to purge the toxins all at once.

A friend of mine had a brilliant idea to beat the diets dumps.
“Exercise!”he says. “You have to burn off the impurities!”
Have you ever met Tony Horton? I hate Tony Horton. (but I love Tim Horton – go figure!)
Tony has this little exercise program called P90X. The 90 stand for the 90 days the full exercise program lasts. At my age I have had to do his P90X90X90X version of the program.
But I get up at 5:30am ever morning, for the last six days, to work out before going to work. I come home for a nap at lunch. I go to bed at 8pm because I can’t think straight due to exhaustion.
They say it is good for me. They say I will feel great, sometime in the future
Bully for them.

I’m grumpy, tired, foggy and I’m drinking a fake beer. Go away.


One Comment


  1.  
    Jim

    I’d be careful about the exercise thing. I tried it once. I got all flushed, started to sweat and was breathing rapidly. Symptons like that can’t be good. Exercising can be very dangerous!





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