Even I don't always agree with my opinion


Toilet Seats

Posted May 16, 2008 by jim young in Lifestyle

– by jim young

Of all the conflicts in the so-called Battle of the Sexes, the dispute of the toilet seat has got to be the most ridiculous. And at the risk of  alienating myself from my peers (no pun intended) I will say this only once – “Come on guys – if it’s that important to the ladies – PUT THE SEAT DOWN!”

It’s not that big a deal to put the toilet seat back down after, but then in all fairness, why is it such a big deal for the ladies to put it down before?

“Have you ever sat down on the toilet and fallen through because the seat wasn’t down?” I’ve been asked, and I have to admit I have not. And this is a key point. Men sometimes have to sit down too and there must be times when either he or another man has left the seat up.

But does he complain? No.

Does he fall through? No.

I have to ask, “What do you ladies do? Back into the bathroom and sit down without looking? What happens when the lid is down too?” Maybe it’s not just the men who are to blame for all the pee around the base of the toilet after all.

But what bothers me most about this whole issue, is that most women seem to think that leaving the toilet seat up is an act of facetiousness. This simply is just not true.

Nor is it some kind of a twisted practical joke. In all my life as a practical joker, not once has anyone I know ever said to his buddies, “Hey, let’s sneak into the girl’s washroom and put all the toilet seats up!”

It doesn’t have the qualifications to be a practical joke. Although the results might be considered funny to some – whoever gets to witness the victim being caught in the joke? This is a key element in the art of practical jokes.

Neither is it a form of punishment. Never in a fight with any of my wives or girlfriends have I ever thought to myself, “I’ll get even with the bitch. When she’s not looking, I’ll put the toilet seat up. That’ll fix her little red wagon.”

Come on guys, let’s do it for the ladies. After all, who wants to see his and her bathrooms in every house? If you think the question of whose job it is to clean the bathroom now is a battle of the sexes – what will happen then?

And one more thing while we’re talking about toilets. I don’t care if you’re male or female – when you use the last piece of toilet paper – CHANGE THE ROLL!

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    I can`t believe this tired old argument still rages on, especially with ” todays ” woman. I can understand theirs mothers and their mothers before them creating any attention they could for themselves in the 40`s and 50`s , when women were thought of a demure , little flowers who needed guidance , but today , come on! I fear though , there will always be those knights in shining armor out there so here`s some tips. Before your wife / girlfriend goes for a drive in the car rush past her and point out your checking the seat is properly adjusted for her and she is able to use her mirrors . Wouldn`t want her just flopping into the seat and backing over the lawnmower , would we? Here`s another one , if your wife/girlfriend runs a bath , storm into the bathroom and check the water temperature. Wouldn`t want her blindly sitting in scalding water and burning herself , as , with the toilet seat , she has a track record for sitting down without checking for potential hazards. I hope , along with your ever vigilant monitoring of the toilet seat , these tips help. I`m sure your wife/girlfriend will show her appreciation in ways you never expected.


    I guess there’s a fine line between chivalry and chauvinism. Seems to me that many of today’s women want it both ways. Not that I necessarily object to a woman who likes it “both ways” – but that’s a subject for another column.

    It’s getting so I don’t even know if I should open a door for a lady any more. No – that’s not true. I will always open a door for a lady and know it will be appreciated.

    The bitches that complain that they can do it themselves are not really ladies. It’s just that I can’t seem to tell them apart at first glance any more.

    Sometimes I even hold the door open for another guy but that doesn’t mean I’m gay either – ok?

    My article on “Toilet Seats” was really intended to be “subtle sarcasm” which I had hoped would let the ladies see the folly of their grievances on that subject. Perhaps I “missed the mark.”

    And that too, is a subject for another column.


    Okay, so now you’ve started it Jimmy — CHANGE THE ROLL??? What, I ask your dear readers, is the right way to hang the roll?

    My answer to the toilet seat issue is simply to put down the lid – closing the toilet. That way there is never any argument and it really is much more sanitary and neater, don’t you think?


    What am I Dear Abby? Never mind – I happen to know the answer to this.

    The roll should always hang with the paper falling on the outside. It’s easier to grab a hold of that way. I also happen to know that Dear Abby agrees with me on this.

    But it’s not right because Dear Abby says so and it’s not even right just because I say so – it’s right because it’s right! No ifs, ands, or butts. End of discussion.

    I knew a girl that always complained that she was the only one that ever changed the roll of toilet paper in her house. I finally pointed out to her one day that SHE LIVED ALONE! True Story.

    She also complained that she was the only one that ever changed the toilet paper when she visited OUR house. But she changed the roll whenever the current roll was just half empty.

    Sometimes I think the ladies just like to be heroes. Or maybe they just like to bitch. Same thing as I ignore both.

    And as far as putting the lid down to make things more sanitary I have to reiterate that if you ladies cannot see the seat is up before you fall in – how the hell are you going to see the lid is down? How sanitary is a bare ass on the lid even if you notice it before you start your business?

    And neat? That’s too subjective and in the eye of the beholder. Keep things handy and ready to use, I always say.


    Most times I’ve sat on the toilet with the seat down it has been in the middle of the night with out the light on. It just gives me the creeps to think about what I’m sitting in. The whole purpose of the seat is so we don’t have to sit in the droppings/drippings, etc. If both genders closed the seat & the lid every time there would never be an issue. Beside who wants to drop their toothbrush in the toilet…

    As for the toilet paper roll, I don’t care which way it goes as long as it’s on there. I have a teenage son who uses a whole roll every time he goes in the bathroom what’s up with that? So, I need one of those great big rolls like in public washrooms.


    “Most” times? How many times do you have to do this before you learn to check – with or without the lights on?

    You drop your toothbrush into the toilet a lot? Gee – I think you need to have a plumber in your family.

    And the answer to the “no toilet paper on the roll” is the same as the “seat left up” dilema. Look before you shit – I mean sit.


    If you guys cared that you sat in pee & poop drops & pubic hairs then the toilet seat up would be an issue for you too.

    The fact that you sit in stained underwear all the time attests to the fact that you don’t really care what you sit in!



    It’s not an issue for men because we don’t fall in. Plain and simple. Don’t make it more complicated than it really is.

    As I pointed out in my original article, men sometimes have to sit down too. But I have never heard of a guy falling in.

    What could possibly be the reason for that?

    There’s an idiom that states “Look before you leap”. Think of it as an “Idiom for Idiots”, if you will.

    Memorize it. Practice it. And learn from the masters.

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