Published In The Great North Arrow, May 1, 2025: Negotiating For Fitness

 Negotiating For Fitness 

- jim Young

“Exercise?! I thought my doctor said, “Extra Fries!” - anon

The relationship between a patient and family doctor can be a little tricky. At least it is with me. I get that she’s the expert and knows what’s best for me. And I think she gets that I don’t always want what’s best for me.

I want a doctor that will keep me alive for as long as possible. However there are caveats to that which requires some negotiation.

For example, I am not now nor will I ever eat some foods even if they might help me live longer. Is spinach going to help me live longer? 

A simple “Yes” isn’t an acceptable answer. Maybe I just don’t want to live longer if it involves eating spinach. You gotta give me a specific number before I’m even going to consider it. My mother couldn’t make me eat spinach and neither can my doctor. 

But my doctor hasn’t even touched on my diet other than to hint that I could lose a few pounds. I just pat my stomach, grin and proudly announce, “I do it for the children.”

Instead my doctor decided to tackle two areas of concern. At least they seemed to be areas of concern for her.

1. My alcohol intake.

2. My physical fitness.

Alcohol

Now let me assure you that I am not an alcoholic. Of course you have no reason to believe me, because that’s the first thing an alcoholic would try to tell you. There are as many definitions of “alcoholic” as there are types of alcohol. By some of those definitions I suppose I am an alcoholic as are many people who would never consider it.

Que sera, sera. I’ll not concern myself with the stigmatism of a title that others may wish to label me.

But I am one of those guys that believe you should never pay an expert to give you advice and then just ignore that advice. There are, however, limits to how much of that advice I will take.

Years ago, I drove by the house of one of my best friend’s father-in-law. The exterior of the house had been renovated, the yard landscaped and a huge, beautiful, mature shade tree had been cut down. “Why did your father-in-law cut down that gorgeous tree?” I asked Graham.

“Well,” Graham replied, “George paid some experts to tell him what he could do to improve the value of his house. And when you pay someone that kind of money for their advice, you should take it.”

So while I agree with that concept in principle, had I been the owner of the house, I might have instructed the advisors to “tell me what I could do to increase the value of my house without cutting my tree down.”

It’s the same thing with my doctor. There’s limits on what I am prepared to do to increase my lifespan.

I want my doctor to advise me on how I can increase my lifespan as much as possible without cutting down all my trees.

First let me explain that I know we have “free” healthcare here in Ontario, but the fact is, it is funded by our tax dollars so the truth is, I am paying my doctor for her advice. And while I am earnestly seeking her advice to keep me healthy, there are limits to the extent of that advice I will take.

My doctor on the other hand has never suggested to me that I was an alcoholic, only that “too much” alcohol can cause health related issues. Fair enough. That’s a common ground we can both agree upon to start.

The standard definition by the “experts” of “too much” alcohol has generally been agreed upon as more than two drinks per day for a man and 1 drink per day for a woman. And isn’t that  just a little bit sexist?

But I can live with those limits. * On weekdays. * In the winter. * 

Weekends, hot summer days, Christmas, Easter, birthdays, groundhog day… I might need a little wiggle room there.

But I did agree to “cut back” and so I did. I just didn’t think it was necessary to be too specific about what “cutting back” involved.

Apparently there’s a new standard now. “Do you know what the number of alcoholic drinks the experts are suggesting is safe for men, now?” my doctor asked me on my last visit. “Zero,” she answered.

Then we both laughed and laughed because without me even telling her, my doctor knows it’s important that she manage her expectations.

Physical Fitness

I was a little more open to suggestions in the area of improving my physical fitness. I think that’s why my doctor set up her practice in an office that requires me to walk up a small flight of stairs to get there. If I’m out of breath (and I was) after just those few steps, it’s hard to make a case that I am not in need of some improvement here.

But when my doctor suggested that I get out to walk for ½ hour per day, I had all the reasons in the world why this wasn’t a practical solution.

1. It’s too cold in the winter 

2. It’s too rainy in the spring.

3. The black flies and mosquitoes are too bad.

4. It’s too hot in the summer. I might have a stroke.

5. It’s too … well maybe I could give it a try in the autumn.

6. But there’s nowhere to go and it would be too boring.

However I did have one very legitimate reason. I suffer chronic back pain. As a teenager I underwent major corrective surgery for scoliosis. Chiropractic treatments, physical therapy, cortisone shots, ointments, creams and lotions and various forms of witchcraft and sorcery have all done very little to relieve the pain that I now endure as a result of this surgery combined with old age along with my neglect to properly take care of myself over the years.

But don’t feel sorry for me. I am very lucky in that, the only thing I have to do to relieve this pain is to sit or lie down. I know many, many people who are afflicted with back pain that have no relief from their suffering and are often deprived of their sleep as a result of it. Those are the people in real need of our collective sympathy.

I just can’t stand, walk or participate in any kind of physical activity for any length of time without suffering back pain.

Still, I recognized and accepted my doctor’s advice that I need to participate in some kind of physical activity to help me help my doctor do her job of keeping me alive a little longer.

Exercise Bike

While my doctor continued to campaign for an exercise regime that involved walking, I was offering to compromise on trying out an exercise bike. I finally won her over, but not for any of the reasons I have given above. I finally had to pull out my big guns and insist. “I don’t wanna walk every day and because I know me so well, I know it’s just not gonna happen.”

One of the reasons my doctor was reluctant to me using an exercise bike was the expense. She was afraid I would incur a large expenditure only to have it fall into disuse when I discovered it was just as painful as walking.

Now I had to question the effectiveness of all the recent blood work I have had done as the degree of Scot blood that courses through my veins seems to have gone unnoticed by my doctor. I already had a plan of action in place that would relieve the pain of that expenditure.

The Recumbent

I had my eye on an exercise bike at a very reasonable price at our local “Trash & Treasures.” Not only was it an attractive price, it was a “recumbent” exercise bike. Allowing me to recline while I pedal, I felt, would be the answer to my doctor’s concern that bending forward while pedaling on a traditional exercise bike would aggravate my back pain.

I would just have to wait a half month before “Trash & Treasures” opened for the season, but as I was in no hurry to begin my exercise regime, I wasn’t too worried.

And then something wonderful happened. We do not have garbage collection in our little town of Loring. I don’t mind that, as it helps keep my taxes down which in turn helps keep my Scot Blood Pressure down.

On our next visit to the dump, there, in the metal junk pile sat a discarded recumbent exercise bike. With Mike, the waste site caretaker’s approval, I loaded it up and brought it home at a Scotsman’s ideal cost of just zero dollars.

When I sat down to give it a go, however, I discovered there was a reason it was at the dump. The tension on the pedals required too much force to move the pedals even when adjusted to the lowest setting. However, not to be deterred, I remembered one of my father’s life lessons of “don’t throw something out you can fix.”

Now there is always a danger when I take something apart that I will make it worse. But since it was broken anyway and had been acquired at no cost but with no warranty I figured “nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

To suggest I managed to “fix” it would be an over-statement. Suffice it to say I managed to “jury-rig” it, get it operating sufficiently for my intended usage AND with no parts left over after reassembling it.

Accessories

I was finally ready to start my new exercise regime without having to concern myself with the perils of incumbent weather, an onslaught of black flies or mosquitoes or the boredom of walking with nowhere to go. 

I set my recumbent exercise bike up in my ClubHouse, in the farthest corner from the bar just to avoid temptation.

The A/V system required swapping out an HD Media System for a Netflix enabled DVD player permitting me to tune in my favourite half-hour sitcoms to help pass the time.

All that’s left is to park my butt in the padded seat and start pedaling… which I promise I will start doing tomorrow.

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